MEET
THE
BAND
DAVID MACKAY
TOMASZ NOVAKOWSKI
LUCAS COLYER
JOSEPH RICE-MUNDY
TROY HUTCHINSON
David is the band’s lead songwriter, being the only one of us with a modicum of musical taste. He is basically the reason we can do anything at all. However, don’t let any of that fool you, as his twisted mind is depraved enough to know how to use photoshop. For instance, he designed all of our logos. For that, we thank him, and fear him.
Catchphrase: “Gimme a second to learn this song I wrote”
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If you meet him you’ll probably: Develop an insatiable urge to steal his lunch money.
DAVID
TROY
The grandfather of the group, Troy’s first foray into music began with playing the drums at the age of 13. He soon realised that he lacked the strength and wisdom to be a drummer, yet possessed far too much self-respect to play bass. Thus, he picked up a guitar, and has been breaking up homes ever since. Outside of music, he enjoys practicing Limp Bizkit riffs and fixing windows.
Catchphrase: “Does anyone have a spare cable?”
If you meet him you’ll probably: Get a strong urge to buy him a pint, or five.
JOSEPH
Joseph plays music to drown out the screaming voices of his children. This is why he’s a bassist: there’s nothing that calms a toddler better than 120 watts of pure low end. Joe is actually a pretty laid back guy, complaining very little and soldiering on, even when his bandmates are pulling knives on each other. As such, he’s a sacrificial lamb, forever forced to talk to the sound guy at gigs. He wishes to be taken seriously by the music industry.
Catchphrase: “Can I use my 5-string for this one?”
If you meet him you’ll probably: Get defeated in a bottle-flipping contest.
TOMASZ
Tom is a truly reviled member of the community, garnering noise complaints everywhere he goes. Despite this adversity, he insists on always playing an acoustic drum kit, because everyone who plays electric is a “poser”. He gets away with his personality by being generally pretty OK as a musician. Strangely enough for a drummer, his IQ is almost in the triple digits.
Catchphrase: “Can you guys play louder?”
If you meet him you’ll probably: Tell him politely yet firmly to stop talking.
LUCAS
In the days when the likes of Eminem and Will Smith proved to the world that white guys can rap, Lucas made it his mission to prove that they probably shouldn’t. He is however, Oceanvein’s secret weapon, possessing a range of idiosyncratic talents that are too numerous to list. On that note, we are so lucky that Lucas can actually sing. Seriously, this band is not being sold on looks.
Catchphrase: “We’ll definitely have a meeting about that at some point”
If you meet him you’ll probably: Have a deep, emotional conversation, possibly becoming a better person.